Blogs

By Lynne Hughes, Comfort Zone Camp Founder and CEO

My mother died 36 years ago this past Saturday, January 9^th. That is a LONG time ago. Her death has been more a part of me than her being alive.

January 9^th is not a hard day for me anymore. My mood doesn’t change, I don’t do anything particularly special, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I know what day it is. On January 9^th, I reflect from time to time on it being the day that changed my life the most, and I then go back to my present world in 2010.

By Lynne Hughes, Comfort Zone Camp Founder and CEO

When we decided our theme was Wish Big for our New York City fundraiser this year, one of our “wishes” was to raise more money for grieving children than we did the year before. I had no idea our “wish” would be granted and in such a “big” way!

We raised $480,000! A lot of kids' lives will be changed as a result of this fantastic event.

We sold out with 400 people, nearly doubling the attendance from last year. The creative décor and food by Hatch Studios and Barb Salzman, set the tone for a festive and fabulous night. With Ted Mathas, Chairman of the Board, President, and CEO of New York Life Insurance Company, as our honorary host, we couldn’t go wrong!

The star of the evening was 9 year old Olivia Ferrucci, who shared her story of losing her father three years ago, and how Comfort Zone helped her with all the emotions she experienced. 

“As a child who has lost a parent you feel sad, angry and confused and like no one understands you or what you are going through. I feel like a better person when I leave camp. One who knows a bit more about myself and that I am not alone in my grief.”

She was poised, articulate and amazing—AND—she’s only 9! She touched everyone in the room with her bravery and gave a voice to grieving children.

Our silent and live auctions were filled with terrific items and our Fund the Cause included two $25,000 donations!

Did I mention the music? Did I mention the excitement? Did I mention that the night took us to a whole new level in the New York area? We made so many new friends, from fantastic corporate sponsors, to all our first time attendees. And, we wouldn’t be anywhere without our long-time supporters who have been there since the beginning... so many being related to a Decter family member!

John Walsh from America's Most Wanted helped Comfort Zone give a special thank you to the New York Life Foundation for their continued support, notably Ted Mathas; Chris Blunt, Executive Vice President, Retirement Income Security; and Chris Park, President, New York Life Foundation.

Every dollar makes a difference, and all 480,000 of them will truly, truly, truly make a BIG difference.

Moral of the story: it pays to Wish Big!

What are your reflections from the night? Any funny moments? Favorite memories? Please share them as comments below.

By Lynne Hughes, Founder and CEO, Comfort Zone Camp

In our August camp, kids in my Healing Circle talked about having anxiety over whether or not their new teachers or new classmates would know about their loss. This was especially so if they were going to a new school, or entering middle or high school. They are not sure if they wanted to tell people, but they commented that they wished you, as parents and guardians, would let teachers know.

As we gear up for back to school, I encourage parents and guardians to be active ambassadors for their kids each year. Make sure that your kids’ teacher(s) and guidance counselor are aware of their loss. Even if this is not a recent loss, don’t assume that knowledge gets passed on from teacher to teacher.

I have heard several stories from our campers of insensitive remarks made by teachers who were unaware of their loss. Or, class projects focused on the family, which make them feel like they stand-out, and have scarlet letter D for Death Kid on their chest.

It’s also good for the teachers and counselors to know of your child’s loss, in case your kid is having one of those days when waves of grief unexpectedly wash over, and they need someone in their corner who gets it.

Back to school can also remind for your kids, and you, of entering new milestones and chapters of their lives without their loved ones. Be good to yourself, and make sure to be ambassador, and listening ears for your kids during this time.

Related Topic: Campers talk about going back to school after thier loss.

How would you describe Comfort Zone Camp in one word?

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By Comfort Zone Camp

We often talk about "Magical Moments" at Comfort Zone Camps - those moments that give you goose bumps or bring a tear to your eye... those moments that are often so rare in our every-day lives, but found regularly at camp.

These magical moments often come about when children or adults step out of their comfort zones and take risks to find themselves welcomed and accepted. Acceptance is one of the key ingredients that makes Comfort Zone Camp a place that campers, volunteers, and families choose to return time and time again.

By Lynne Hughes, Founder and CEO, Comfort Zone Camp
 
The end of the school year is usually a time for celebration. Your child is reaching a large milestone, a traditional passage of "childhood" gone by, with wide-eyed anticipation of what lies ahead as our kids get ready for their next step forward.
 
If you are missing a loved one at this time, their absence is often more evident as they miss school banquets, awards, and reflections on recent milestones. If you are marking the end of school with a graduation, that can be stressful, sad, and at the least, bittersweet.
 
You know it is coming, your graduate knows it is coming, so what do you do? I would suggest the following:  
 

By Lynne Hughes, Founder and CEO, Comfort Zone Camp
 
At our Parents' Camp this summer, one of the moms told the story of how her husband died suddenly from a heart attack when her daughter was 6 years old. At age 12, her daughter confessed that she had no idea how her dad died. Her mother was shocked and felt horrible; she couldn’t understand how her daughter did not know. At the time of the death, the mother had told her daughter in age-appropriate terms what happened, the daughter attended the funeral, etc. 
 
It struck me how easy this can happen and how common it must be. We tell our kids what they need to know and what is age-appropriate at the time of the death, and what we can find in ourselves to bring up to them.
 
At the time of the death, our children may be quite young, they may not fully grasp the permanence of death and details may be unpleasant and filtered. Fast forward, a child who may have been 6 at the time of the death is now 12 and can process the information in a completely different way. When that same child is 15, or 18, or 22, they will continue to reprocess and revisit the loss through a new set of eyes and understanding.
 

By Lynne Hughes, Founder and CEO, Comfort Zone Camp
 
Parents dating is a hot topic in our Healing Circles and support groups.
 
Some kids are open, even hoping, that Mom or Dad will remarry. But, many kids are so strongly opposed, adamant not only about how they don’t want their parent to start dating again, but many claiming that they won’t allow it.
 

By the Teens of Comfort Zone Camp
 
The grief resources section of our site contains a forum for teens to talk about life after a loss. A great question was sent in this week, and a good conversation as already begun related to parents dating again. This can often be a sensitive subject for both adult and child - each viewing the dating process from a very different perspective.
 
For today's blog post, I want to hand it off to the Teens as they share their very valuable insight into this common issue. To read an up-to-date account of answers, visit our Teens Talk page.
 
My Mom/Dad is dating again, and I'm worried that they're trying to replace my loved one. What can I do?
It can be really hard to talk to your Mom/Dad about dating after losing a parent. If you have siblings, they can help relate to what you are feeling about the current situation. If you don’t have siblings a good trustworthy friend can help you as well. Just know that your Mom/ Dad is not trying to replace your loved one. They know that no one will ever fill that void. - Joelle, 14
 

By Comfort Zone Camp

We sat down with a few of our teen campers to talk about what it was like to go back to school after their loss.

By Maggie Harrison, Camps and Services Manager, New Jersey
 
Amazing weather, amazing family, amazing healing.
 
Just a comment on the weather – we could not have asked for anything better in mid-March! While there was a slight chill in the air, the bright skies and lack of rain more than made up for it!
 
Family is the best word to describe the group of campers, volunteers and staff who came out to our NJ Comfort Zone Camp session this past weekend. It was in no way evident that approximately 1/3 of them were first timers!

By Lynne Hughes, Founder and CEO, Comfort Zone Camp
 
Last week, our Headquarters was broken into. The burglars ransacked our offices, stole laptops and a few hundred dollars on the Thursday night before we had two camps—one in Virginia and one in New Jersey. Luckily, no confidential information of campers or volunteers was on the laptops and items stolen, but the financial loss came at a time when donations are low and the economy is tight.
 
But, as is often true, bad situations can surprisingly open doors to positive outcomes. The local community has been extremely supportive.
 

By Lynne Hughes, Founder and CEO, Comfort Zone Camp
 
Has someone ever crossed your path right when you need them? Or have you ever crossed someone else’s path to tell them something that they needed to hear at that very moment?
 
Since founding Comfort Zone Camp I have met so many amazing people and I have had a lot of ”fairy dust” moments. I can’t tell you about countless times when I have met someone new, know nothing about them, only to find out that they had a loss as a child and completely embrace the mission of Comfort Zone.
 

By Lynne Hughes, Founder and CEO, Comfort Zone Camp
 
I can't tell you how many times in the past few weeks I have run into people who are just feeling blue. They just feel low and don’t exactly know why. Is it the post-holiday let down? Is it the Winter Blues? Is it the uncertainty of the economy? Is it grief?
 

I am a firm believer that how we think about ourselves, or talk to ourselves, shapes who we are as individuals. In difficult times, we often are quick to talk down to ourselves, saying or thinking things like, “I’m worthless,” “It’s hopeless,” “I can’t do this,” “That was stupid,” “I am stupid.” When we think this way, our subconscious begins to believe it, making these negative thoughts and beliefs a part of our identity.

Society puts a lot of pressure on us to “get over,” “heal,” or “move on.” I believe this is because so many people have never experienced a loss, and their own mortality wheel starts spinning when talking to you about your loss. They want to believe that if the same thing should ever happen to them, there will be a quick timeline to their pain.

Most of their friends will miss it. Most adults will dismiss it. Their childhood has been interrupted and they will become miniature adults before their time. It's unfair, it stinks, and it is something children should not have to go through. What am I referring to? GRIEF.